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It was part sociological experiment, part romantic venture and part a thrill-seeking foray into this very secret cheaters’ life. I complied, but then secretly embarked on a more prolonged affair with a local man I met online. My husband was hurt, horrified and needed time to reevaluate our relationship. In reflecting on my proclivity for infidelity, I can only describe it as a kind of sensation seeking -- the addictive quality of falling for someone new -- and a propensity for self-destruction -- reinforcing pathological defense mechanisms. Having had one extramarital relationship with a single woman he met on Ok Cupid, he turned to Ashley Madison in search of chemistry with an already-partnered woman.
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I continued with vague explanations of my extramarital pursuit, but was clear that my husband was the one for me, with no intention of destroying anything on anyone’s home front. In hindsight, I recognize “normal” as code for “real” -- not a sex worker, not a robot, but a regular woman. We once entertained the idea of having an open marriage. He was cute in a nerdy sort of way, and we developed a quick and witty rapport.
I'd read about the Ashley Madison website in a magazine article a year or two before, filing the data away for potential future use. Skeptical, I provided very little identifying information on my profile at registration. The personal details I did eventually include were guarded and vanilla. I looked for handsome faces, some semblance of professional success, and proper grammar/punctuation.
Not long after, I looked online to see what the website purported to deliver. I wanted to hunt without being hunted, and was afraid I'd be found out. It wasn't quite like shopping for shoes at Nordstrom, where everything is beautifully displayed and screams "Buy me! " -- but the selection was certainly better than the Goodwill thrift shop down the road.
He must have a life outside of technology and pursuit of extramarital affairs, I thought, that is downright sexy in this day and age.
I later learned he was training in the mountains in Peru, and messaged me after a day spent jumping out of planes.